As acceptance of transgender individuals continues to grow worldwide, more people want to be allies. However, not everyone understands how to communicate appropriately when chatting with trans women. Due to the lack of relevant knowledge and cultural experience, some may communicate in ways that transgender people find rude or disrespectful.
This article is here to help! If you’re interested in trans dating and want to chat with trans women respectfully, use the following information to improve your communication strategies.
Avoid Misuse of Pronouns
Using the wrong pronoun when referring to a transgender woman is one of the most common issues that affect communication. Instead of making assumptions about another person’s gender, ask them whether you should use she/her/hers, he/him/his, or they/them/theirs pronouns when talking to and about them.
Once you introduce yourself, specify your own pronouns, and then ask a transgender person how they identify. “I go by ________ when it comes to pronouns. What about you?”
Note that when you chat with trans women online, you should follow this strategy. If pronouns are not specified in the bio of the dating profile, ask about their preferred pronouns in one of your first messages. Discussing this early on will help avoid awkwardness when you move on to more significant topics.
Avoid Misnaming and Deadnaming
When you talk to or about a trans person you knew before their transition, be very careful about the names you use. Trans people find it offensive when someone uses their old given name instead of their new chosen name. If you accidentally use their old legal name, quickly acknowledge your mistake and apologize.
Remember that trans women and trans men change their names for a reason. They go through many mental and physical challenges while transitioning, and you should respect their choices and efforts.
Use the pronouns, titles, and names they have chosen to show your support and respect.
Don’t Disclose Any Personal Information
Also, keep in mind that you should never share information about someone’s sexuality or trans identity. Avoid making statements like, “Jane is a trans woman; I knew her in high school when she was named Jason and wore a beard.”
Honor the privacy of everyone in the trans community. Don’t share any intimate details of another person’s life without permission.
Raise Your Voice
To create a welcoming environment for transgender people, you should advocate for their rights both online and offline. If you see someone deliberately misusing the pronouns or name of a transgender woman, don’t stay silent. Let them know that their behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful, and encourage them to apologize.
Transgender chat should remain a safe haven for the members of transgender community. Be an ally who doesn’t allow disrespectful people to intrude.
In some cases, it’s better to check in with a trans woman to see if it bothers her when someone misuses her pronouns and name, and whether you should intervene. Some members of the transgender community become accustomed to dealing with rude people and may not care about what they say. Here’s a good way to approach the situation:
“Hi Claire, I noticed that Jacob is using the wrong pronouns when in a chat with you. Would you like me to intervene and point out his mistake? I’m happy to remind others of your pronouns, and I can also bring it up privately with them if you prefer not to discuss it in public chat rooms.”
Be Aware of Different Trans Feminine Identities
Trans women are not the only identity terms within the trans feminine spectrum; different people use various terms to describe their experiences. Some may label themselves as trans feminine, woman of trans experience, non-binary, or simply as women without additional descriptors.
In some cultures, there are even more specific terms for trans identities. For example, in Australia, “sistergirls” refers to feminine-identifying individuals within Indigenous Australian communities. In India and neighboring countries, the word “kinner” is used to describe people who may view themself as a third gender.
It’s important to clarify the term someone prefers to describe their identity, and this should always be done in a polite and respectful manner. Here’s an example of how you might phrase this in a conversation:
“Kristal, since we’re getting along well, I’d love to know you better. May I ask how you identify? What trans feminine identity term would you like me to use in our conversations?”
Choosing the right moment to ask such questions is essential. Asking too soon may be perceived as intrusive or inappropriate. It’s best to chat for a few days before discussing such personal topics in a trans chat.
Don’t Ask Intimate Questions in Chat
When chatting with trans people, you should be very careful when discussing personal matters. You should ask only those questions that help you understand the other person better. In transgender chat, you should avoid asking questions that stem from curiosity rather than genuine interest.
Here are examples of inappropriate questions:
- Have you already had surgery to match your gender identity? Was it extremely painful?
- Do you take hormones daily? Does it come in pills?
- Whom did you share your secret with first? Was it your friend or your mom?
- Who are crossdressers? Can you please explain?
- How did your trans journey start? Were you obsessed with drag queens when you were in school?
- Can you show me photos from when you were a man?
- How was your first day in a new body after surgery? Was it fun?
Such questions show ignorance and disrespect, so you should avoid them at all costs. Don’t ask about surgery or hormonal treatment. Don’t make any assumptions about at what age and how the person understood that that they don’t feel right in their body.
Do you want to find love and build lasting relationships? Don’t rush the conversation; wait for the right moment to get close. Once you develop a trusting relationship, the transgender person will be more likely to open up to you.
Educate Yourself
Before you even join a chat with trans woman, you should learn the basic terms and concepts related to the transgender community. First, you should gain a clear understanding of who transsexuals, bisexual people, crossdressers, and trans feminine individuals are. Second, you should learn whether it’s appropriate to use the terms “male” and “female” when describing transgender people.
Visit reliable sites that promote diversity and support the transgender community; this is a great way to get the information you need for free. You can also join relevant groups on social media platforms to find useful tips. For instance, consider joining the Transgender Alliance and Transgender Support Group on Facebook.
Use social network platforms to educate your friends and followers by sharing trustworthy content that promotes inclusion. By providing access to relevant educational content online, you help create a more accepting world for sexual minorities and offer them valuable support.
15 Things to Know Before You Join a Trans Dating App
Are you ready to start your dating journey and create a profile on a dating site? Here are a few things to consider before you join a transgender chat .
- Choose a reliable dating app that is a safe and welcoming place for transgender and gay people.
- Be open about your intentions. State it clearly in your profile whether you search for new friends, love, or something else on this dating site.
- Specify your gender as male or female, and your sexual orientation as gay, straight, or other, only if you don’t mind sharing this information in chat rooms. If you want to keep your gender identity private and hide this information, you can absolutely do that.
- Be polite with trans community members. Always. If users do not reply to your message in a trans chat, ensure that your message is written in a respectful manner.
- Join a trans chat room that matches your interests. Feel free to make any comments and express your ideas, just make sure they are non-judgmental.
- Don’t hesitate to send the first message in trans chat. If you are interested in someone, reach out first and get the conversation started.
- Don’t feel ashamed to share that it’s your first transgender experience. You can specify it in your profile or mention it in a chat room.
- Check the social media profiles of the people you chat with. This is a great way to learn more about them so you have more topics to discuss. For instance, if you find out that the user you chat with is a web developer, you can ask questions about the current project or site they are currently working on.
- If you are interested in real-life dating, you can search for users in your area. If you just want to chat online, you can search for like-minded people in other areas.
- Report trolls in chat rooms if you detect them, or reach out to customer support. This way, you will contribute to keeping chat rooms a safe place for all members.
- Upload at least a few photos to your profile. The better you look in your photos, the more likely you are to attract transgender individuals.
- Be mindful when using emojis. Remember that messages can be misinterpreted online. Try to avoid emojis with double meanings or sassy emoji combinations, as transgender girls and women may find them offensive.
- Don’t worry about your privacy. The dating website and chat rooms are 100% safe to use, so you can talk with anyone you want on any topic.
- Invite your friends to join your chosen website. Connect with fun people and hang out together in selected chat rooms. Peer support is what you need to enhance your experience.
- If you’re not currently looking for romantic relationships, you can use trans chat to expand your social network and connect with hundreds of thousands new, interesting individuals.
Wrapping Up
In today’s world, you have many opportunities to connect with members of the transgender community online. You can engage through social media sites, dating websites, or apps and do it for free. So what are you waiting for?
Once you join a transgender chat, make sure to follow the rules we’ve discussed and treat transgender women, as well as their allies and friends, with respect. Become one of the active members of this community and promote diversity and inclusion online. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your gender identity is; you can take on this role and support people who really need it.
